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...If it could speak?
Mine would probably say...
Dearest one,
I am telling you this in appreciation for all that you've done for me. You've brought me delicious foods such as pizza, chicken, taco's, cookies and much, much more. You've also brought me my favorite beverages such as beer, beer, and more beer. You feed me and watch as I grow, teasing me occasionally with words of affection and words of love. You know just how to treat me and I know just how to let you.
I love it when you rub me after I am full. Your gentle touch puts me at ease...even after I've had beans. You whisper sweet things to me, telling me how much you love me, how much you love touching me and I love being touched by you. Although sometimes I may get angry and make a big stink because you've rubbed me the wrong way, but we've always ate and made up...After all, isn't the make up eating the best part about fighting?
Others make fun of me for my size, where as you love me for that very reason. Others poke me as if I'm the Pillsbury dough boy going to make a sound, when you know the only sound I will make when poked is *ppppppffffffffhhhhhttttttt*
They just don't understand me like you do...
They don't understand my love for Chili and the pain it's caused my best friend and I, Seymour butts.
Anyways, I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you...even though I don't say it much. Even though Seymour and I get carried away with the Dutch ovens sometimes, we want you to know that we mean no harm by it, we're just trying to have some fun.
In closing, I wanted to tell you that if you ever wondered who did it in the elevator...
It was Seymour
Love Alway,
Belly
Mine would probably say...
Dearest one,
I am telling you this in appreciation for all that you've done for me. You've brought me delicious foods such as pizza, chicken, taco's, cookies and much, much more. You've also brought me my favorite beverages such as beer, beer, and more beer. You feed me and watch as I grow, teasing me occasionally with words of affection and words of love. You know just how to treat me and I know just how to let you.
I love it when you rub me after I am full. Your gentle touch puts me at ease...even after I've had beans. You whisper sweet things to me, telling me how much you love me, how much you love touching me and I love being touched by you. Although sometimes I may get angry and make a big stink because you've rubbed me the wrong way, but we've always ate and made up...After all, isn't the make up eating the best part about fighting?
Others make fun of me for my size, where as you love me for that very reason. Others poke me as if I'm the Pillsbury dough boy going to make a sound, when you know the only sound I will make when poked is *ppppppffffffffhhhhhttttttt*
They just don't understand me like you do...
They don't understand my love for Chili and the pain it's caused my best friend and I, Seymour butts.
Anyways, I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you...even though I don't say it much. Even though Seymour and I get carried away with the Dutch ovens sometimes, we want you to know that we mean no harm by it, we're just trying to have some fun.
In closing, I wanted to tell you that if you ever wondered who did it in the elevator...
It was Seymour
Love Alway,
Belly
- Feel My Pain:
dorky
...RUUUUUUUUUUUN.
Since receiving the news of my high cholesterol from my doctor, I've resigned myself to start running and getting in shape. Running is a bit of an exaggeration...power walking is more like it. I haven't ran in so long that I'm grossly out of shape and can only run at 10-15 second spurts until my girly legs give in to exhaustion.
I've been going to my local High Schools 1/4 mile track and been walking/fake running 8 laps, which equals 2 miles every night for the past 2 weeks. The plan is to get my legs re-acquainted with exercise and then eventually running again. I feel like I'm in a self rehab center for skinny fat people...
I try to go later at night when there's usually no one there to point laugh and then lap me several times. I've been lapped so far by granny, what appeared to be a 5-6 month pregnant woman, and a guy running with a baby carriage and diaper bag over his shoulder....I have a feeling if this guy was carrying a T.V. he still would have lapped me.
The person I seem to remember the most was this fat girl that I saw running tonight. It was raining and we were the only two dedicated fatties that were out on the track. she was much like me and ran for a short time before stopping and power walking for a few...but I still got lapped. So while I was being passed by this girl I felt horrible inadequate and had the sudden strange urge to run up to her after she passed me and just jump on her back for a piggy back.
More power to her though for recognizing and taking control of her weight problem...and someday I will be this fat girl that will lap some other fatter, more out of shape person that shows up to the track and then I will be the victorious one!!!
Every time I finish my 2 miles I feel like I won the Special Olympics...
*pant* *pant* *pant* *pant*
...go ahead.
...I'll catch up.
...
Since receiving the news of my high cholesterol from my doctor, I've resigned myself to start running and getting in shape. Running is a bit of an exaggeration...power walking is more like it. I haven't ran in so long that I'm grossly out of shape and can only run at 10-15 second spurts until my girly legs give in to exhaustion.
I've been going to my local High Schools 1/4 mile track and been walking/fake running 8 laps, which equals 2 miles every night for the past 2 weeks. The plan is to get my legs re-acquainted with exercise and then eventually running again. I feel like I'm in a self rehab center for skinny fat people...
I try to go later at night when there's usually no one there to point laugh and then lap me several times. I've been lapped so far by granny, what appeared to be a 5-6 month pregnant woman, and a guy running with a baby carriage and diaper bag over his shoulder....I have a feeling if this guy was carrying a T.V. he still would have lapped me.
The person I seem to remember the most was this fat girl that I saw running tonight. It was raining and we were the only two dedicated fatties that were out on the track. she was much like me and ran for a short time before stopping and power walking for a few...but I still got lapped. So while I was being passed by this girl I felt horrible inadequate and had the sudden strange urge to run up to her after she passed me and just jump on her back for a piggy back.
More power to her though for recognizing and taking control of her weight problem...and someday I will be this fat girl that will lap some other fatter, more out of shape person that shows up to the track and then I will be the victorious one!!!
Every time I finish my 2 miles I feel like I won the Special Olympics...
*pant* *pant* *pant* *pant*
...go ahead.
...I'll catch up.
...
- Feel My Pain:
determined - My Mix Tape:Survivor - Eye of the Tiger
Stop BUGGING me
Sleeping...dreaming of a brighter future and a better job. At peace with life until I wake the next morning...Sleep my only solitude from this crap fest I call life.
I'm suddenly yanked from my place of peace into consciousness. Still groggy and confused as to why I was awakening from my sleep, I feel something tickling the back of my ear. So I swat it and hear and feel a disgusting crunch. Still groggy and confused I get up to see what it was and turned on the lights to discover...
THIS FUCKER...
Half crushed by me. I looked at my hand to see all these pieces of legs on me and on the back of my ear/neck area and started screaming like a bitch with a skinned knee.
I ran to the bathroom and started scrubbing my shit like I was infected with the Ebola virus. After 5 mins of washing I finally got up enough courage to venture back to look for the body of this foul creature.
After all I only had the legs on me...
I looked on my bed to see the thing still wiggling in apparent pain, having 75% of its legs ripped out. I take a tissue and scooped it up and crushed it without mercy and sent it to its watery grave as it swirled and swirled until it was finally flushed down the toilet.
I tried going back to bed after that, but every time my comforter would brush up against my cheek with a piece of lint hanging off of it, I would freak out thinking it was another bug crawling on me.
All bugs must fucken die!!!
The War has already begun...
I will indiscriminately kill any and all bugs that I see while awake...and able. There will no place for them to run or hide...
VI VA REVOLUTION!!!!!!!
VI VA REVOLUTION!!!!!!!
VI VA REVOLUTION!!!!!!!
I'm suddenly yanked from my place of peace into consciousness. Still groggy and confused as to why I was awakening from my sleep, I feel something tickling the back of my ear. So I swat it and hear and feel a disgusting crunch. Still groggy and confused I get up to see what it was and turned on the lights to discover...
THIS FUCKER...
Half crushed by me. I looked at my hand to see all these pieces of legs on me and on the back of my ear/neck area and started screaming like a bitch with a skinned knee.
I ran to the bathroom and started scrubbing my shit like I was infected with the Ebola virus. After 5 mins of washing I finally got up enough courage to venture back to look for the body of this foul creature.
After all I only had the legs on me...
I looked on my bed to see the thing still wiggling in apparent pain, having 75% of its legs ripped out. I take a tissue and scooped it up and crushed it without mercy and sent it to its watery grave as it swirled and swirled until it was finally flushed down the toilet.
I tried going back to bed after that, but every time my comforter would brush up against my cheek with a piece of lint hanging off of it, I would freak out thinking it was another bug crawling on me.
All bugs must fucken die!!!
The War has already begun...
I will indiscriminately kill any and all bugs that I see while awake...and able. There will no place for them to run or hide...
VI VA REVOLUTION!!!!!!!
VI VA REVOLUTION!!!!!!!
VI VA REVOLUTION!!!!!!!
- Feel My Pain: determined
So many mosquitoes bites to scratch, not enough hands to scratch them...
There’s a breach in my sanctuary...the mosquitoes have invaded my home and attacks after dark. They wait in their fox holes and hiding holes until I am asleep and then emerge to attack, conquer and feed. They gorge themselves off of their spoils until they've had enough and leaves me marked with red itchy bump.
They leave and return to their holes to sleep of the feast of the night and look forward to the next meal. Dreaming of mosquito girls and/or boys, mosquito love, mosquito sex and possibly living a better mosquito life. They sleep easily for they fear nothing...so easily has it been for them to feed and go that they grow careless...
The day of the mosquito is over...as soon as it began it has ended. I have dropped a bomb on them and eradicated them all...pure genocide of the occupying hostile mosquitoes.
At 8AM Monday morning I authorized the turning of both keys to detonate the RAID bomb that wiped them out...
They are no more.
War has been declared and I shall show no mercy to the enemy mosquitoes
There’s a breach in my sanctuary...the mosquitoes have invaded my home and attacks after dark. They wait in their fox holes and hiding holes until I am asleep and then emerge to attack, conquer and feed. They gorge themselves off of their spoils until they've had enough and leaves me marked with red itchy bump.
They leave and return to their holes to sleep of the feast of the night and look forward to the next meal. Dreaming of mosquito girls and/or boys, mosquito love, mosquito sex and possibly living a better mosquito life. They sleep easily for they fear nothing...so easily has it been for them to feed and go that they grow careless...
The day of the mosquito is over...as soon as it began it has ended. I have dropped a bomb on them and eradicated them all...pure genocide of the occupying hostile mosquitoes.
At 8AM Monday morning I authorized the turning of both keys to detonate the RAID bomb that wiped them out...
They are no more.
War has been declared and I shall show no mercy to the enemy mosquitoes
- Feel My Pain: predatory
